Can I Be Honest?
Can I be honest?
I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotions lately and not understanding life. I don’t understand why bad things happen to good people.. I don’t understand why people get cancer, especially children.. I don’t understand a lot of things and I know it’s not my job to, but it’s human nature. If I’m being honest, I’ve been struggling to know if my prayers are even heard because a lot of times I feel like they’re not answered. At least not in the way I want them to be.
I love Matthew West’s song, “Truth be Told”. There is a line in it that says, “when being honest is the only way to fix it, there’s no failure, there’s no fault you don’t already know, so let the truth be told” So… I’m going to be honest when people ask how I’m doing. Sometimes I feel good and hopeful and full of faith, but honestly other times I feel broken and sad and mad and my faith is low. So I guess the moral of the story is don’t ask if you don’t want to know the truth.
Mike’s Gamma knife surgery went well on Valentine’s Day. They treated 3 small tumors/METS in his brain (not 2). He has a high pain tolerance and they always tell him he is the best patient they’ve ever had when they’re screwing the bracket into his skull. We got home early enough to rest a little after the procedure and then drove to Decorah for Jack’s game against Luther. He also went to work the next day. He has had a dull headache since the procedure and continued light sensitivity, but all in all is feeling pretty well. We also spoke at church the Sunday before Valentine’s Day about our 23 year cancering journey to try and give people hope and encouragement. Even though I’m being honest and telling you that I get down, I still believe there is a reason for everything and even though I don’t understand it I am trusting God through this process.
We have been busy traveling around watching the Loras men’s basketball team and Jackson in his final season. They played an amazing game in a packed gym at Nebraska Wesleyan on Saturday night and won in overtime! So they got to cut down the nets as conference champions and got an automatic bid into the D3 NCAA tournament. Now we are just waiting to see who and when they play. We have been traveling around the country watching Jackson play AAU basketball since he was in 4th grade. So it’s going to be sad when it’s over, but we are enjoying the ride for now!
On March 4 Mike will have a PET scan at Mayo and an oncology consult on March 5th. On March 8 we have a zoom/phone consult with Dr. Jason Williams out of FL and CA who is pioneering inter-tumoral immunotherapy and ablation. We were referred to him by our team of doctors at Cancer Center for Healing in CA. We are very excited to talk with him and pray that Mike is a good candidate and that this is the direction we are supposed to go!
A quote I saw recently rings so true for us in these days: “ If you look back, you’ll see that every situation that God has brought you into, has either changed you, helped you grow, made you stronger, taught you a lesson, or made you a better person. Everything he does has a purpose!”
Don’t give up…don’t ever give up!
Be blessed,
Paula
